Euronews Culture Film of the Week: Borderlands – A Movie You Should Skip
Beyond the Stars: A Cosmic Crash of Adventure and Desolation
A Toddler’s Wild Vision Turns Classic Sequel Meets Into a Dumpsterfire Fable
Picture a universe where the Guardians of the Galaxy ensemble, known for their comedic quirks and interstellar charm, collide with the relentless, dystopian grit of Mad Max. In this fusion, the familiar planets are replaced by endless scrap heaps, and the vehicles roar like metallic beasts tearing through burning asphalt.
- Flashy, neon-lit spacecraft twist into trainwrecks of scorched metal.
- Chargeable power cores fuel absurd, gravity‑defying crash scenes.
- The heroes’ tech gadgets illuminate the chaos with flickering, chaotic sparks.
- Chaos is reimagined as a playground of dumpsterfires, chaotic yet oddly endearing.
- Each battle feels like a toddler’s doodle—crude but terrifyingly vivid.
In this alternative narrative, the cosmic adventures of the Guardians become a whirlwind of fiery mayhem, crafting a film that feels like an unrestrained, imaginative storm through a post‑apocalyptic landscape.
Borderlands: A Cinematic Disappointment
Bad News First
Despite recent television successes—think the The Last of Us and Fallout adaptations—Eli Roth’s latest take on the 2009 video game franchise proves that a multi‑episode format may still be the answer. Still, the film’s execution falls far short of expectations.
Worse News
The movie may very well rank as one of 2024’s lowest‑tier releases, even with an impressive lineup: Cate Blanchett, Jamie‑Lee Curtis, Édgar Ramírez, Kevin Hart, Gina Gerson, Jack Black.
Plot Overview
Kevin Hart portrays Roland, a soldier who teams up with Florian Munteanu’s Krieg to secure Tiny Tina (played by Ariana Greenblatt), the young prisoner at the center of the story.
From there, the trio ventures into the unforgiving desert world of Pandora, a planet brimming with treasure hunters all chasing an ancient alien vault known as The Vault. The key—metaphorically a “Pandora’s Box”—can only be cracked by Tina herself.
Fatherly Cesare Ramirez—the villainous CEO of Atlas—has tasked the seasoned bounty hunter Lilith (Cate Blanchett) to locate Tina and bring her back for him. In a twist of loyalty, Lilith ultimately joins forces with Roland, Krieg, and Tina to uncover The Vault and foil Atlas’s sinister aspirations.
Key Points
- Multi‑episode format suggested by the film’s narrative arc
- High‑profile cast struggles to elevate the material
- Central quest: retrieving Tina and unlocking The Vault to stop Atlas
- Cleverly inverted relationships—villain’s own hunter becomes an ally
Ariana Greenblatt Takes the Spotlight in Borderlands
Borderlands delivers a low‑budget homage to the style of James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy and George Miller’s Mad Max franchise, punctuated by the surprisingly solid performance of Jamie Lee Curtis as the seasoned xeno‑archaeologist Tannis. The film also features a quirky robot assistant, Claptrap, who mixes explosive weapons with humor so over‑the‑top that it rivals the comedic misinterpretations of Jar Jar Binks.
Creative Choices That Fall Short
- The director, Roth, and co‑writer Joe Crombie lack the fresh wit that Gunn brings or the rapid‑fire action pacing characteristic of Miller.
- By flooding the screen with constant noise and recurring catch‑phrases like “badonkadonk,” the filmmakers hope to distract audiences from the obvious lackluster jokes.
- Music selections from artists such as Motörhead, The Heavy, and Muse are intended to inject nostalgia but ultimately exacerbate the film’s shortcomings.
Conclusion
Ultimately, the endeavor ends up feeling more of a copy than an original vision, relying on familiar tropes from top‑tier sci‑fi action movies instead of forging its own identity.
Borderlands: A 2025 Cinema Misfire
Plot Overview
The film attempts to translate the addictive chaos of the video‑game franchise to the screen, but instead delivers a sluggish, dialogue‑laden experience. A familiar tropes‑heavy script fails to capture the dynamic world that fans love.
Main Takeaways
- Weak Direction: The pacing feels uneven, with scenes awkwardly structured around action beats.
- Repetitive Dialogue: Characters repeat cliches, including a throwback to Lethal Weapon – “I’m too old for this shit.”
- Underutilized Performances: A standout is Blanchett’s portrayal of a manic punk heroine, yet the role is limited by an over‑simple narrative.
Blanchett’s Contribution
Occasionally the film feels playable when Blanchett delivers a vibrant performance, but even her energy remains confined within a thin plot that prefers stylized action over depth.
Critical Quote
“It’s a shithole,” the character narrates as she steps onto Pandora, underscoring the film’s bleak tone.
Overall Assessment
Borderlands ends up as a cinematic disappointment, reminding viewers that certain interactive experiences may be better experienced through the original game medium.
Final Verdict
Cold and uninspired – this movie keeps you bored while providing little that the beloved franchise might have delivered on the big screen.
